I don't hold that shit against the tea even if yeah, must have been the most complicated, dangerous tea preparation. ( Red's hand falls down from Hermione's arm, warmth in her own fingertips, warmth at reaching out and knowing she could help - somehow. It's nice.
What's bothering her? So many things. Being forced into being Cerberus, liking having that order she could not resist again even if it meant she had no freewill (and another part of her hating it too and hating that she liked it), thinking- genuinely feeling and thinking the Doctor was dead, revealing what she was to Fei before Fei disappeared and they couldn't even talk about it, Fei being gone, everything she learned from Clara, people being willing to recklessly protect her even at the expense of themselves, the fact that Hermione doesn't know what she is and Red still hasn't figured out how to just announce it, the fact that she has no idea what she really is (human but not, mortal but monster, young but ancient), all these human emotions and connections and worries that she didn't have to have in the Underworld. It swirls in her chest like something dark, and her throat tightens. )
How long do you have? ( She smirks, not fully able to articulate all of it. ) The advice though, which thank you in advance, and maybe this situation can't even be advised on. I know you've been here for awhile. I have a friend in the group, and someone from their world came here. She knows all this shit about what happens to my friend in the future, and it's terrible and a lot, and she told me.
[ It is, in short, a lot. The kettle starts whistling before Hermione fully digests all that, and she turns the thing off with a flick of her hand, wandless magic sent impatiently that way, her attention given in full to Red.
Red, who is her housemate and friend, who's seen her out of a dangerous place, who is stronger than a girl of her frame should be, who probably hides something. (She could guess again at a werewolf but she's guessed at that enough times here, and been wrong. It starts to grow old.) Red, who looks like she could use a hug, and also Red who's dropped a whole lot in Hermione's lap.
Metaphorically. ]
I...oof. [ A little laugh, a little brittle. ] I wish I didn't, but I know exactly how that feels and it's awful. [ She can't forget Lily Evans, a brilliant witch and a brilliant friend, whose death Hermione would never be able to stop, whose future she could never discuss without fear of breaking the woman. Lily Evans, gone - either lost somewhere along the route or perhaps gone back home, tragic and awful as it is. ]
I like to think that the people we meet here just go back to a different version of my universe, if it makes sense. A parallel one where they can't be hurt because they're nice and they were my friend and they don't deserve that.
[ Bitterly, at last. ] Knowing about the future of someone is terrible. Do you think asking him if he would want to know would change things?
( Red lifts her head up from where her hands were settled awkwardly in her lap, twisting around each other. She clears her throat of the emotion lodged there, fingers tightening around one another. She sees the understanding in her face, and there's an ache at knowing her friend has had to go through something similar. There's this selfish relief at being seen, understood too. Even if she hates Hermione went through anything like that, and she can tell she did - that bitter laugh, the pain in her. )
I'm really sorry you know how it feels, sorry you went through that at all. ( Her eyes burn, and she shakes her head, thinking now of Fei who has gone back to her own universe, who called her 'sister' but is gone. Then she thinks of how the Doctor said he'd take her in his TARDIS to go get ice cream at a planet where everyone is happy all the time. He can't. They can't. He has galaxies to save, and he has to die to do it. )
That's a really good way to think about it. Think I'm just wired all cynical, y'know? ( She scrubs at her face, and then releases her breath. ) He kind of knows that I know things, but I can't- can't tell him. ( Because then he'll die and all those galaxies will be destroyed. It's complicated by the fact that his TARDIS could show up at any time and just take him back to where and when he was from. )
[ She finds some mugs for both of them quickly, but instead of pouring tea, she approaches Red and this time, she's the one touching her friend's arm, gentle and careful and trying to offer comfort. Wired all cynical, she says, while being upset about knowing about her friend's future and not being able to stop it. ]
I don't know, Red. I think you're wired kind. [ A little smile, her hand squeezing a little. ] But you can still claim to be cool, don't worry.
( Red blinks a bit at the touch - her gaze drops to Hermione's hand and then back up to her face. Her own hand slides over hers, and she gives it a squeeze, and yes. She bites down on her lower lip with a little laugh. )
Can't someone be kind and cynical? But woah, hold up. You think I'm cool? ( Being the hall monitor of Purgatory High made her a lot of things, but cool? )
...the coolest? Well, shit, that is high praise. There's like very cool people rolling around in our group, and you can do magic, which is actually seriously amazing.
( She's amazed any time she does magic, and it has so many different things it can do, which makes it both versatile and wonderful. )
Yeah, that's essentially me. I guess. ( She wrinkles her nose a bit. Cynical of the world, kind to its... people? That's new. Granted, she never gave herself the opportunity to be kind before in the Underworld. )
Ha - me? I'm definitely not cool, I'm a disaster! Do you know how many times I've been flapping in the backgroun with this group, while others were actually solving mysteries?
[It's the trouble with having too many Hermione Granger-types in the group, eventually they overpower each other. And the real slim shady Hermione takes the lead better than she assumes leadership roles. She's a great back-up!]
I'm sorry I couldn't offer better advice, Red. I'm afraid that this is a situation that could be described as either 'a pickle' or 'utterly shitty'.
You are incredibly cool, Hermione, so we'll have to agree to disagree on that. You're magical. You're smart, brave, witty, persistent - you stole some fuckin' books for the greater good.
( And she one hundred percent believes that, but there's a pause after a moment at the rest of what she says. She shakes her head. )
No, I don't know that there's advice for something like that, but it was good to... talk about it, to not let it get all trapped in here, and- Fuckin' hate you know what it's like but it was good to be... understood? Shit. I don't know. ( She swallows, still holding on to her from... up close. ) Uhm, but if you need advice or just want to rant about anything, I'm here too. For you.
[ She's burning up now, faced with so much praise and admiration that she's not so sure she deserves. Red hasn't met her at her lowest. She's still not sure she's been at her lowest, though she's been at pretty low points in this world. It would be an insult to her friend to brush the praise off, even if that's what she wants to do.
It would also be hypocritical, because she'd like Red to take her praise as well.
There's nothing for her to ramble about right away, as far as Hermione can think of. Her mind draws a blank, focus divided between the proximity, the pretty freckles across Red's nose, and the fact that they're still holding.
For someone who likes affectionate touch as much as Hermione does, she sure get starry-eyed when she actually gets it. ]
It does help to be understood, yes. And seen. [ There's a tentative smile here. ] Alright, um...how about, before we devour more cannoli than we're probably meant to - do you want a hug?
( Red smiles softly when she sees the flush on Hermione's face. She wonders if she gets told these things often enough - clearly not, not as much as she should anyway. Her head ducks a bit herself as if she too realizes that they're still holding hands at the moment.
Then she nods. It helps a lot. Being buried under blankets in her room, it was a lot of being swallowed by her emotions. Her chest still aches with it (this tangled knot of contradictions that she is, the reality that she was made for certain things and she never should have left the Underworld - no matter how much she wanted to), but it's lighter in Hermione's presence. It feels like maybe it's okay to want - all the things she wants.
She lifts her head again to meet her gaze. )
Yeah. I do. You give really good hugs - don't know if that's like a fuckin' skill, but I'm saying it's one.
( So it's good that was her first ever experience with one, but Red lifts her hand up to wrap both her arms around Hermione instead, pulling her in close and tight. Her eyes burn a little but in the good way. There's the comforting candlelight of her soul, her aura - that flicker of self doubt she'd like to wipe away. )
[Then it must be one, for it has been declared thusly. She doesn't bite back the smug look, because yes she will preen over the fact that her hugs are 'really good'.
She does, however, deliver on her offer immediately. As soon as Red holds her arms out, Hermione hugs her. It's a bear hug, tight but careful, and caring. If she could take some of the burdens off of Red's shoulders with the hug, she would. She's trying.
And if there's tears in either of their eyes, well, who's going to tell? Grace Three isn't even around to judge them.
She lets it linger, lets it feed her need for affection, for a while.]
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What's bothering her? So many things. Being forced into being Cerberus, liking having that order she could not resist again even if it meant she had no freewill (and another part of her hating it too and hating that she liked it), thinking- genuinely feeling and thinking the Doctor was dead, revealing what she was to Fei before Fei disappeared and they couldn't even talk about it, Fei being gone, everything she learned from Clara, people being willing to recklessly protect her even at the expense of themselves, the fact that Hermione doesn't know what she is and Red still hasn't figured out how to just announce it, the fact that she has no idea what she really is (human but not, mortal but monster, young but ancient), all these human emotions and connections and worries that she didn't have to have in the Underworld. It swirls in her chest like something dark, and her throat tightens. )
How long do you have? ( She smirks, not fully able to articulate all of it. ) The advice though, which thank you in advance, and maybe this situation can't even be advised on. I know you've been here for awhile. I have a friend in the group, and someone from their world came here. She knows all this shit about what happens to my friend in the future, and it's terrible and a lot, and she told me.
And now I know and I can't tell him, but I know.
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Red, who is her housemate and friend, who's seen her out of a dangerous place, who is stronger than a girl of her frame should be, who probably hides something. (She could guess again at a werewolf but she's guessed at that enough times here, and been wrong. It starts to grow old.) Red, who looks like she could use a hug, and also Red who's dropped a whole lot in Hermione's lap.
Metaphorically. ]
I...oof. [ A little laugh, a little brittle. ] I wish I didn't, but I know exactly how that feels and it's awful. [ She can't forget Lily Evans, a brilliant witch and a brilliant friend, whose death Hermione would never be able to stop, whose future she could never discuss without fear of breaking the woman. Lily Evans, gone - either lost somewhere along the route or perhaps gone back home, tragic and awful as it is. ]
I like to think that the people we meet here just go back to a different version of my universe, if it makes sense. A parallel one where they can't be hurt because they're nice and they were my friend and they don't deserve that.
[ Bitterly, at last. ] Knowing about the future of someone is terrible. Do you think asking him if he would want to know would change things?
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I'm really sorry you know how it feels, sorry you went through that at all. ( Her eyes burn, and she shakes her head, thinking now of Fei who has gone back to her own universe, who called her 'sister' but is gone. Then she thinks of how the Doctor said he'd take her in his TARDIS to go get ice cream at a planet where everyone is happy all the time. He can't. They can't. He has galaxies to save, and he has to die to do it. )
That's a really good way to think about it. Think I'm just wired all cynical, y'know? ( She scrubs at her face, and then releases her breath. ) He kind of knows that I know things, but I can't- can't tell him. ( Because then he'll die and all those galaxies will be destroyed. It's complicated by the fact that his TARDIS could show up at any time and just take him back to where and when he was from. )
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I don't know, Red. I think you're wired kind. [ A little smile, her hand squeezing a little. ] But you can still claim to be cool, don't worry.
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Can't someone be kind and cynical? But woah, hold up. You think I'm cool? ( Being the hall monitor of Purgatory High made her a lot of things, but cool? )
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Definitely - quite possibly the coolest person I know here. [Still holding hands, she leans in and whispers as a conspiratorial secret:]
And you can be cynical of the world and kind to its people, I've seen it happen.
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( She's amazed any time she does magic, and it has so many different things it can do, which makes it both versatile and wonderful. )
Yeah, that's essentially me. I guess. ( She wrinkles her nose a bit. Cynical of the world, kind to its... people? That's new. Granted, she never gave herself the opportunity to be kind before in the Underworld. )
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[It's the trouble with having too many Hermione Granger-types in the group, eventually they overpower each other. And the real
slim shadyHermione takes the lead better than she assumes leadership roles. She's a great back-up!]I'm sorry I couldn't offer better advice, Red. I'm afraid that this is a situation that could be described as either 'a pickle' or 'utterly shitty'.
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( And she one hundred percent believes that, but there's a pause after a moment at the rest of what she says. She shakes her head. )
No, I don't know that there's advice for something like that, but it was good to... talk about it, to not let it get all trapped in here, and- Fuckin' hate you know what it's like but it was good to be... understood? Shit. I don't know. ( She swallows, still holding on to her from... up close. ) Uhm, but if you need advice or just want to rant about anything, I'm here too. For you.
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It would also be hypocritical, because she'd like Red to take her praise as well.
There's nothing for her to ramble about right away, as far as Hermione can think of. Her mind draws a blank, focus divided between the proximity, the pretty freckles across Red's nose, and the fact that they're still holding.
For someone who likes affectionate touch as much as Hermione does, she sure get starry-eyed when she actually gets it. ]
It does help to be understood, yes. And seen. [ There's a tentative smile here. ] Alright, um...how about, before we devour more cannoli than we're probably meant to - do you want a hug?
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Then she nods. It helps a lot. Being buried under blankets in her room, it was a lot of being swallowed by her emotions. Her chest still aches with it (this tangled knot of contradictions that she is, the reality that she was made for certain things and she never should have left the Underworld - no matter how much she wanted to), but it's lighter in Hermione's presence. It feels like maybe it's okay to want - all the things she wants.
She lifts her head again to meet her gaze. )
Yeah. I do. You give really good hugs - don't know if that's like a fuckin' skill, but I'm saying it's one.
( So it's good that was her first ever experience with one, but Red lifts her hand up to wrap both her arms around Hermione instead, pulling her in close and tight. Her eyes burn a little but in the good way. There's the comforting candlelight of her soul, her aura - that flicker of self doubt she'd like to wipe away. )
no subject
She does, however, deliver on her offer immediately. As soon as Red holds her arms out, Hermione hugs her. It's a bear hug, tight but careful, and caring. If she could take some of the burdens off of Red's shoulders with the hug, she would. She's trying.
And if there's tears in either of their eyes, well, who's going to tell? Grace Three isn't even around to judge them.
She lets it linger, lets it feed her need for affection, for a while.]